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[Sunday, March 9th, 2008 8:28pm]

cruelness is just another form of the game. [Sunday, October 7th, 2007 7:36pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I am so tired of games. If somebody wants, or doesn't want, something, they should just tell you. I'm tired of trying to read between the lines, and I'm tired of just trying. Of course, I'm going to keep doing it anyway because that's just how I am. I made it somewhat better the other day, but it is still sucking majorly bad. Ohh well, I suppose I'll just deal with it like usual. Hopefully, it'll be made better by next weekend :)    
Ahh, I'm crossing my fingers. 


deep thoughts.. [Monday, July 9th, 2007 10:22pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I've done a lot of re-evaluating lately. No matter what I do, I always seem to have this empty space around me. I'm always feeling incomplete despite everything I do. I think I've finally figured out why. I need closure. I never got to get it, and I didn't think I needed it at the time. It makes me sad that I still rely on this. I went through this exact same thing last time. The difference was this time I really thought it was over. Finally. I guess I was wrong. I'm tired of being wrong, and I'm tired of being stuck in this same situation. I want it to end. I want to be free of it, and never think about it [him] again. All I need is closure, yet that's the very thing I'll never get. It's just he broke me in every way possible and didn't care. He led me on again and again, yet just walked away every time. I hate him for it, but I can't really hate him. I've tried to make myself not feel any extreme emotions towards him. I have tried to hate him though. Believe me, I've tried. I just can't. Something about him makes me hold on even when I don't think I can anymore. I know he'll never understand what he did, and if he did he wouldn't care. I just hope one day I can get my closure and be done with him forever. As for right now, I'll just stick to pushing thoughts about him out of my head. I do think one day he'll be gone.. forever. Everything will be better then. That's one reason I can't wait until college. God knows he isn't going. 
Anyways, I've happened to fall in love with meditating. Not the "oommm" kind. The sit and relax, trying to connect with nature kind. I know it sounds gay, but if you actually tried it, you would know how freaking awesome it is. Ahhh.
As for my mood... I love how the star looks for stressed because that's exactly how I feel.
sometimes i wish i could just leave this town and run forever....


lalalala [Saturday, June 23rd, 2007 10:56pm]
as i was playing family fued by way of computer, the question was "if barbie went bankrupt what would she action off?" what was the number 3 answer? <b>KEN</b>

and on that note i would like to say that "i like fruit, but i love history!" 

"Who here lives in Dryden?" "Bululupp!"

[Thursday, June 14th, 2007 12:14am]
[ mood | lazy ]

in three wonderful days i will be in florida. ahh, beach, gorgeous lifeguards, and being away from lee county. 2 weeks, what could be better? then i come home and count down the days until i go to warped tour. 
maybe this will turn out to be a good summer after all ;)  
i'm soo going all out for warped! it's going to be awesome. new found glory is going to be there.. i &hearts; them!
i finally get to get my hair cut tomorrow.. it's about time. i can't get my beloved highlights tho :'(  ohh well, it's still good i'm getting my hair cut.
this summer has actually been going good :O  except for my wreck... that just sucked. :\  that girl was a bitch! i was like uhhh what's your problem? you were like going 80, whore!  i just said it in my head though. ahh, ohh well.
i cannot wait until i get to the beach. i love the ocean. it's my favorite place in the world. maybe i'll move there when i'm older.. hmmmm. might think about that. my cousin does live in miami... 
anyways, i've decided that i'm going to make this year the best ever. it is my last of high school. might as well make it count for something, right? i'm going to try to not let things bother me as much and just sit back and enjoy this year.
ohh yeah, i have to buy a new bathing suit.. crap.


thoughts... [Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 8:13pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

i doubt that anyone reads this anymore, but that doesn't really matter. i'm really just writing for me, and if anybody feels like randomly reading, that's fine. well, i got my season of scrubs, it was the 4th season, so i was happy for about 2 or 3 days. i've bought about 3 movies this week, and everyone of the endings absolutely sucked. i need a happy movie. those were all extreme downers. 
i was discussing food with someone today, and we decided that even though food is great, it has power over us. it controls us. i do love food though. we decided this because we both eat when we are bored. so eating out of boredom... that's pretty much all the time. we also both go look for food while we're watching t.v. just so we can have something to do while watching. so as you can see, food is slowly gaining control.
lately i've been rediscovering how much i love rock. i'd just been content listening to the radio, and never bothered to listen to anything else. i'm glad i found rock again. i had missed it severly. i got out my warped tour c.d.'s today, which explains the song i'm listening to. i do like that song though.  it's a very fun song.
i love how everybody thinks i'm quiet, but then i crack everybody up when i randomly say something. i'm like yeah.. you just wish you knew me! ahhh, so much fun.
i was soo bored yesterday. i did this random experiment with eyeliner. i drew some random design on my eye. i was pretty awesome. i used liquid eyeliner. all i have to say is me + eyeliner = hot  haha.
well, as much as i'm sure whoever reads this would love for me to keep on rambling about random stuff, but i'm afraid i must end this. i know it's very sad :(  teehee.  btw.. download the song   i don't love you by my chemical romance. it's very soothing. i like it.  



changes. [Monday, February 19th, 2007 9:21pm]

it's been a while i suppose.
it amazes me how much things have changed since last year, but in some ways i'm glad it did. 
i recently got in a random creative spree and made like everything. i'm quite proud of some of the stuff too. i tried to start on my chem report. i only got 2 pages done tho..  i guess that's better than none tho.  
i wish a scrubs marathon would come on very badly. it pisses me off when i only get to watch one or two episodes at a time. i'm thinking of buying a season so i can have it anytime i want. i want that 70's show too.  if i had them i would be very happy. i want to put some of that stuff i made on here, but i don't feel like it right now.. ohh well. maybe later.
i bought the new fall out boy cd a while ago. i love it. 
i finally got myself out of a bad situation (lasted for five years) and i'm very proud of myself. 
btw if you've never heard of the band  boys like girls  you should download some of their stuff. they're good. i recommend the song heels over head. it's my fave by them.


"you have to find your -ness. what's your -ness? it's your name with -ness at the end!" -dupree [Friday, January 5th, 2007 11:59pm]
[ mood | sore ]

you know what is really sad? if you think about who all you talked to last year, and then think about who you talk to this year. i've stopped talking to almost everybody i used to talk to. it's so sad. i didn't want to stop talking to them. i don't even know what happened with a lot of them. ahh, it just makes you think about who your real friends are. it kinda bothers me. some of those people i wouldn't mind talking to again, but the others.. well, let's just say i wasn't sorry to see them go..
this year is going good though. i have friends that i know i can depend on, and i have grant. last year had some really bad things that happened. nothing that's really major bad has happened this year.. yet. i just hope it stays that way.
i had a lovely convo with my dad today :\
dad: uh does it not register that i'm carrying in groceries and you're sitting on your ass?
me: i'm looking at this college thing i got in the mail. can you wait 5 seconds?
dad: ahh shit. you're not college material. why don't you get downstairs and help carry in the damn groceries? lazy ass.
me: slams down the paper and then i flip him off as i was walking down the stairs, but he didn't see.

that one can't beat the one we had the other day tho.. shew. hmm.. let's see, i can't even remember what happened.. i think it was..
mom: i don't want you wearing a band shirt tomorrow. i know you can find something else.
me: yeah i can, but i won't do it nicely.
dad: go get me all the damn band shirts! i want them in here now!
me: uhh no.
dad: you better go get the damn things.
mom: no. calm down. she has to have them.
dad: not tomorrow she doesn't. do you?
me: no, but i have to sometime.
dad: next time you make a little smart ass remark like that...
me: sure sure.

why yes, i have a great family life. can't you tell? ahh, they drive me crazy. i can't do anything when they're around. i was watching that 70's show the other day. i was all comfortable and then my mom comes in and watches it for like 2 mins. and goes what are you watchin?! that is nasty. watch something else. so i had no choice except to get up and change it to disney until she left. then i put it back on because i heart that show! fez makes me laugh when he goes ooo burn! teehee. yes, and eric's sister is a slut. and kelso cheats on jackie with her. and donna gets mad because eric didn't tell her he knew. ohh sorry, that's the episode i watched when she was all like nasty nasty! i watched the one today where they paint a pot leaf on the water tower and kelso falls off. then eric walk in on red and kitty (his parents) having sex. ohh god, if that happened to me i would be forced to shoot myself. i couldn't live after that. ohh gross. well, this has been gloriously pointless. my life is still missing my beloved bets btw. :(. i'm crying on the inside. lol


ahhhh [Thursday, December 14th, 2006 7:17pm]
[ mood | scared ]

i can't figure this out. everytime i start to be happy, i always ruin it. i can't stay commited to anything for longer than two weeks apparently. why am i so afraid of this? it's the stupidest thing to be afraid of too. i mean seriously.. why this of all things? at least i finally told somebody about this. i've been thinking about it for a few days. i've been having a battle with myself. i know that sounds weird, but if you knew then you might just understand.
i just don't know why i do this, and i hate it. i'm happy. it's not that it's going badly or anything, it's going really good, that's not it. i'm glad i told those certain people about this because they know what's best for me and they made me promise them that i wouldn't make some stupid mistake that i'll end up regretting later. that's the point too... i know i'll regret it if i do that, but i still have my doubts. why does my brain start picking out all the things that are wrong with him and fixating on them? it's so stupid and ridiculous. i hate it so much. is it really only the thrill of the chase that i love? can i not take anything more than that? if that's true then my life is going to be completely and totally meaningless. well, that gives me a whole hell of a lot to look forward to doesn't it?
maybe i should just force myself to stick with this and i might get over this FEAR.. if that's what it is. oh who am i fucking kidding? i know that's what it is.. i should stop playing dumb. i need to face this. i need to get over this. if i don't then it's going to be very unhappy and miserable in my future. bleak? yes i know. that's why i HAVE TO face this. i can't let this rule over me. i mean what's there really to be afraid of about THAT?? it's not scary... not really. i don't know why it bothers/scares me so much. i know it does though, just looking back over the last few years that proves it (especially 8th grade).
i'm glad i have my bets to motivate me. bets are glorious. i love them. i have a feeling i'm going to grow up to have a gambling problem or something. it makes me laugh. i do love my bets though... i think there is three going right now.. maybe.. not completely sure about that.. bets spice up my life they are great. if someone comes up to me ever and says "you shouldn't bet. betting is bad. no more betting for you." i would be very very tempted to reply with a simple "fuck you buddy." and then i will smile and walk away. ahhh that would be great/glorious. i might get somebody to say that to me tomorrow just so i can say that back. hehe i'm so wild. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) .
well i've decided.. i'm am going to get over this fear of mine. i will, in the words of mr.jared jones, "just jump in and let it happen." yay for jared and his advice it is always, well usually, good.
too bad nobody ever uses livejournal anymore. myspace has taken control of all the internet time. i can't complain though, myspace is glorious. ahhh but i still remember the days of the livejournal craze. i sometimes miss those old days... which were like less than 6 months ago, but still..


bets are glorious this time of year :) [Wednesday, November 29th, 2006 7:48pm]
[ mood | bored ]

"A lot of people are betting on this. Do you want in on the action?"
"I'll think about it.."
"Come on, it spices up your life a little bit everyday!"

haha love it.
seriously, bets are being taken.. there is 8 betters so far.. WOOO!!! i hope i lose.. that would be better.. even though i would owe like a ton of money to everybody.. lol.
he's going to do it soon. i know.
but i guess everybody will just have to wait.. lol.
-have fun.

cookies are funnnn. so is mcdonalds which i am officialy the mcdonalds food bringer in the morning but you know.. lol.


LOVE IT [Monday, November 6th, 2006 9:55pm]
[ mood | happy ]

he went out of his way to do that. it was soo cute. i went down there and saw it and i was like "awww!" i wish there was school tomorrow so i could see him and say "i liked what you left me." lol. i was soo happy. :) :) :)
he does confuse me a lot tho.
he doesn't do it. i mostly confuse myself overreading into things.
i need to just live in the moment and go with it.
i hope this works out. It could be me, right? Right.

Right now though.. things are looking good. :)
love it. ♥


[Sunday, October 29th, 2006 7:35pm]
it's actually working out. i was soo upset because i thought they meant the other one but then i found out they didn't.. i was soo happy. and then i saw him. that was like THE best friday. this makes no sense to anyone but that's ok.

[Friday, October 27th, 2006 12:20am]
i need advice real bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k.thanks :)

[Sunday, October 15th, 2006 11:56pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

you've captured my attention. you're making me forget about things i've been trying to forget about for a long time. but there is a problem.. old feelings have started coming back. i've been trying to run away from them because i don't want that started again..
hopefully it's just passing insanity, but i doubt it. it did take me 3 years to get over those feelings, it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. i don't kno if i can do it again...


[Saturday, September 9th, 2006 10:43pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

i am soo sick of all this crap
somebody's spreading rumors that i did it with some guy. too bad i wasn't there.
i think there's some more rumors goin around too. i haven't heard them tho.
love how people are making me into a whore.
some bitch keeps givin me evil looks in the hallway. i know why she's givin me evil looks too, but i don't give a shit.
it also feels like im backstabbing somebody but i know im not. it's not my fault. i'm not doing anything wrong.

love how my life is completely shitty right now. :)


[Monday, August 28th, 2006 8:37pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

i got to cheer for my number friday :) :) :)

"Is that a limp? IS THAT A LIMP?!? If anybody tackeled him I'll beat their ass!!"

"Put him in and we'll win!"
"I don't think he can get that many touchdowns in 6 seconds."
"He has skills..."

"He'll get a touchdown."
"Where's he gettin' a touchdown at?"
"Touchdown? Where at?"
"Shut up!"

haha i ♥ football games. cracks me up :)


[Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006 9:21pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i broke a record today :) know what it was? it was the worst possible day a person can have
if you only knew what all i found out today and what all happened to me... shewww.
here's a little bit of it... have you ever been so mad you were about to cry? ok well that was me, and I was shaking so bad I couldn't sit still.. that's how mad I was. yeah... it was a fun day. everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong and everything bad you could find out at one time i did. it all happened at once.. one thing right after the other. i have a punching bag on my back porch and i am seriously considering going out there in a minute and beating the shit out of it.

more details to some people later..



[Saturday, August 19th, 2006 2:02am]
[ mood | blank ]

finally got my phone fixed. i can now call out and people can call me and i can open texts now too. damn phone had to go crazy. haha.
if you need to call me call this num. after 9 276-220-1815
and if you need to text me text this num. 276-220-0819
i have crazy phones. lol.

Out Of The Blue - Aly & Aj

When something pure
How can people just say
We're not meant to be
And when something's true
How can people just
Keep me away from you

Suddenly, I'm all alone
Pushed away from nothing wrong
Don't cha have the guts to say
How you feel about me

Out of the blue
they said we couldn't be together
I, I have to get over you
we've been given no choice
We have no voice
Out of the blue

Can't even call
On the telephone
Don't even know
If your at home
But to control
Just how we feel
Is between you and I
Not for one to steal

Out of the blue
they said we couldn't be together
I, I have to get over you
we've been given no choice
we have no voice

Just wanna hear
What you've gotta say
Are you feeling the same
Cause I'm not okay
thought when we met
There was something more
But the others said no
they shut the door

Out of the blue
they said we couldn't be together
I, I have to get over you
we've been given no choice
we have no voice

Out of the blue
We knew we should have been together
Don't wanna get over you
when love makes the choice
It has voice
Out of the blue


[Monday, August 7th, 2006 10:50am]
[ mood | bored ]

new cell phone num.
free nights after 9.

im sooo fn bored...

band is today.. maybe something interesting will happen. doubt it, but ill hope something will anyways lol.



[Tuesday, July 25th, 2006 11:54pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Garth: "Excuse me. I fell."

Garth: "Don't look. Stacy alert."
Wayne: "Where? Ohh God, I made eye contact."
Garth: "Psycho hose beast."

Wayne: "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Garth: "I've never seen you so mental over a girl before. You gonna marry her?"
Wayne: "Garth! Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

Benjamin: "Russell, why don't you get to know the crew."
Russell: "Hi. Hi."

Wayne: "Garth, come over here. I think Terry has something he wants to say to you."
Terry: "I love you man."
Garth: "Thank you."

Stacy: "I'm worried about him. He seems to be going through a difficult time right now. You know what I think it is?"
Garth: "That you're mental?"

Garth: "If she were a president she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln."

Garth: "Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he'd put on a dress and play a girl bunny?"
Wayne: "No." laughs "No."
Garth: "I don't either.. I-I was just asking."

Cassandra: "hey, when'd you get the C.D. player?"
Wayne: "When we got the money."

Wayne: [puts on a bra] "Happy Birthday Mr. President. Happy Birthday to you."

Garth: "You really pissed me off tonight."
Wayne: "Garth, you've never been mad at anything in your life."

Garth: "What are you gonna do with these guys?"
Wayne: "Oh nothing, really. I just always wanted to open a door to a room where people are being trained like in James Bond movies."
Garth: "Wicked."

i ♥ that movie. hehe.


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